Real Girl Beauty

For every girl who's imagined herself as Lucky Magazine's "Lucky Girl." Or who's conquered her addiction to the bitchier-than-thou forums. Or who reacts every day to her Daily Candy email with the same: "Who can afford that?" Here are some heartfelt health and beauty tips from one Real Girl to another.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Do You Believe In Magiff?

Becuff I do!!!

Ladies, I am so excited about this new product I'm here to recommend. (Wait for applause and wondrous audience expressions.) And let me tell you, I recommend it whole-heartedly. I have so far, in the 3 weeks of use, found nothing to take my love away from this beauty.

But first, let's see if you're with me. Do you like to do your own nails? And do you find, say, that there's always some bump or irregularity in there that you don't see when you go to the salon? This be the product for you. Do you love the feel of your nails after they've been manicured, and they're all slick and smooth? This be the product for you. Do you like the look of clear polish, but you just don't have the time and energy to do more than file them suckers once in a while? Then this product DEFINITELY be all about you.

Let me introduce you to (picture my best infomercially voice): The Magiff Professional Nail Care Kit. Girlfriend, if I were Oprah, this would be on the very top of my basket of favorite things. Also, I'd be a billionaire.

I would have never found this product had it not been for the outlet mall in Florida. (Did you hear that? OUTLET MALL. Real Girl would like her ashes spread there, please, when she dies.) There was this little kiosk, with this eager woman, and she was just suddenly grabbing my nail and...buffing it. And...buffing it. And...then...Oh my God! It was literally like I had on clear nail polish. After a total of about 30 seconds of buffing per nail. That's right, just five minutes a day.

Alright. Now I'm scaring my own damn self. This is what happens when you watch America's Next Top Model and fall deeper in love with Joanie and especially Danielle, who just might be the best reality star to ever hit television. Ever. And maybe even just the planet period. And then, of course, you have a glass of wine to celebrate. To celebrate your evening of fun TV. Because that's what wine is for. And anyway...

So, there's this kit. And it has this great curved nail file, a sweet, peachy-smelling bottle of cuticle oil (yay!), and also? The Best. Buffer. Ever. In fact, it is not one buffer, but three. In one. Start with the purple side, rubbing horizontally side to side for about ten seconds. Move, then, to the white side, rubbing over the nail in a circular motion for, again, about ten seconds. And then? Introduce yourself to the gray side. The Mall Lady said it was made of "silk fibers" or some such nonsense. But homey could be made of seagull poop and I'd still buff my nails with it daily. Side to side, for 15 secondsish. And then, you'll see the glimmer. The shine. The glow. The first two steps you only need to do every two weeks, and the gray-side step can be done as often as desired. Shine need never leave your nails.

What's more? (And again, here I'll naturally lapse into Scary Infomercial Voice.) If, say, you left the buffer at home, but OH NO, your nail just lost its shine? They give you a travel size buffer with all three sides hanging out there in your purse.

I have been rubbing my fingers over my slick smooth shiny nails ever since I got this product. I can't get over how it feels like I'm wearing nail polish. And when you actually do put on nail polish? There aren't those bumps and ridges and whatever else ruins that home manicure and makes you curse and stomp your foot.

Mall Lady swears this buffer isn't wearing down your nails when you use it. But still, you know me. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for the negative. Because there's ALWAYS a negative side, right? I mean, when in Real Girl Beauty has there not been any negatives?



Well, then, take a look at the before (left) and after (right):
(Remembering, of course, that I got so engrossed in laughing at Top Model that I neglected to tend to my cuticles or hangnails in any way...)

Ain't that cool?
(It's a picture of me "in the buff." Get it? Ha!)

But if anyone's heard anything bad about this product, please share! Or if you feel like dishing about anything naily, go right on ahead! Or if you just want to say howdy, anything at all, you know I'm always your...

Real Girl