Real Girl Beauty

For every girl who's imagined herself as Lucky Magazine's "Lucky Girl." Or who's conquered her addiction to the bitchier-than-thou forums. Or who reacts every day to her Daily Candy email with the same: "Who can afford that?" Here are some heartfelt health and beauty tips from one Real Girl to another.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Not Fine By Me

Let's see how Real Girl does when she's got a couple drinks in 'er. Just met up with my friend A, with whom I gorged on turkey burgers and Bloody Marys. Toweringly tall, spicy, liquorquacious Bloody Marys. Garnished with cucumber sticks. Soaked in alcohol.

Between drinks, A and I talked about Very Important Things. Like Foundation. And Foundation Brushes. And Boys. Clearly a good time was had by all.

But now on to Plump up the volume! Plump up the volume! Plump up the volume! Jam! Jam!

Real Girl has devoted her life's work to one crucial purpose. No, alas, not saving the children. I leave that to the Sally Strutherses of the world. But judge me not! Because instead, Real Girl has devoted herself to saving the children's hair. And the hair of the Sally Strutherses too, for that matter. Indeed, on Real Girl's tombstone, she expects to see (or rather, not see, because hello? Tombstone) the epitaph: Here lies Real Girl. She fought flyaways.

It was this purpose--this calling if you will--that led Real Girl to the Kiehl's hair care section. Everyone and their mother had been recommending Kiehl's Creme with Silk Groom. Rarely have I even heard the word "Kiehl's" in a sentence without "Silk Groom." It's perhaps their most popular product, along with their lip balm, which Real Girl has never been crazy about because in her world, it's called Vaseline.

But anyhoo. Here's the thing. Creme with Silk Groom is not meant for ladies with fine hair. It's weighty. It has heft. It droops. All you straight haired, silky-tressed gals may rejoice over it. Real Girl needs something lighter.

Upon seeing Real Girl's oft-spoken-of highlighted mane, you might not immediately say, Boy that hair is limp. Under your scrutinizing gaze, it might not seem as thinly textured as it is. But that is because of two reasons: 1) Natural wave. 2) Unnatural Kiehl's Hair Thickening Lotion, my most potent weapon against the melancholy droopiness of fine hair.

Don't think I don't know exactly what you're thinking. LOTION?! On my fine, flimsy tresses!? People have been commited for less crazy suggestions. Why not just tell me to go jump in hot tar because feathers will be all the rage come spring!?

I don't know how it works. And I'm not telling you to bathe in it (we'll get to application in a moment). But somehow, Kiehl's Hair Thickening Lotion adds body while taming flyaways. Without it, I look like I've got a sagging mop on my head that's just spent the night with Mr. Static. All you have to do is mentally get over the fact that it's a lotion. Because it's not at all greasy--not even a wee bit. And what do I think about Kiehl's claim that it won't weigh your hair down? The X-Files said it best: The truth is out there.

So. What to do? Wash and condition hair as usual, then squeeze out the extra water. Apply desired amount of product (you can always start small and add more if you feel comfortable with it) to hand and rub palms together. Run hands through hair starting from the bottom and moving to the top, so you've got the most product on the ends. Real Girl applies her Hair Thickening Lotion with her head bent down and hair flung in front of her. Because clearly, flipping the hair over creates even more body.

And though Real Girl certainly appreciates a cultured mind, when it comes to hair, it is all about the body.

Got your own favorite volumizing product? Or the ultimate cure-all for flyaways (for which Real Girl will exalt you to instant Sainthood)? Any of you thick-haired girls out there feel like giving a shout-out?

I leave the matter in your hands. Better yours than Sally Struthers'.

Real Girl