Real Girl Beauty

For every girl who's imagined herself as Lucky Magazine's "Lucky Girl." Or who's conquered her addiction to the bitchier-than-thou forums. Or who reacts every day to her Daily Candy email with the same: "Who can afford that?" Here are some heartfelt health and beauty tips from one Real Girl to another.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Real Girl Confession (Oh Crap. Gonna Get The Dirty Googlers Now.)

Ohhhh, honeys. So much to talk about! And—disclaimer alert!—it’s not all about today’s exciting product. We’ll get there, though. Don’t worry. But First…

Well, okay. Before “But First…” comes “Ooh! Beauty Opportunity!” (Um, clearly.) While supplies last at (what is that? Two days? Two weeks? Dunno) you can get a free mascara sample with every purchase. Simply type in “LUSHLASHES” in the promotion box during checkout, and you’ll get your free .14 oz. sample of Lorac Mascara (online only). And if you get it? Do share your thoughts!!

Now, secondly, “But First…”

You know your secret husband? The celebrity you’re secretly married to but no one knows it, including said celebrity? Even though he clearly loves you and only you forever and ever amen? Yeah, well my secret husband is Michael Vartan, of Alias. At least of Alias FOR NOW. Rumor has it that my secret husband is LEAVING ALIAS! (it’s all over E! online Gossip and various message boards that I found by googling “Michael Vartan leaving Alias.”) They’re killing off my secret husband! Someone’s going to need some comforting… (And I’m talking about me here, people. Not poor dying off Michael Vartan. Me).

Ok. Sephora offer, check. Secret husband leaving me on his unsecret show, check. Oh, right! Time for B-list celebrity I saw at dinner last weekend.

So, Amy Sacco, of Lot 61 and Bungalow 8 fame (aka “Nightlife Queen,” as gossipy newspapers call her. Tres original, gossipy folks) has this new restaurant called Bette. It so happens that my beloved friend and former manager of… (oh, lordy. Boring. Let’s just call him Nightlife King) is the manager of this new restaurant. He’s so fab that he tells me, “Oh just stop by without a reservation. Any time you want!” And so…I did. I was wearing Adidas and a miniskirt made from vintage sweatshirts (by someone more talented than I!). Cute, yes, but not quite NYC glam. Nightlife King seats Real Boy and me in this raised area in the back, overlooking the entire restaurant. And there, just a few feet below me, is Tori Spelling. And I have got to say, Tori is just all around better in person. First of all, she’s cute! Even pretty! Her face somehow looks less long and horsey in person, her makeup’s great, and if she’s got a Fake Bake, it looks positively natural! She’s thin, but not Skeletor Skinny (a la Mary Kate). And even more, she seems really sweet and unassuming. How do I know this just by watching her eat dinner? I don’t. But that was my impression. Genuine smiles, good to her friends, not needing to be the center of attention. You get a Check Plus, Tori!

Ah! Right. This site is about beauty products. Y’all will hate me for straying to trivial matters (except for Michael Vartan leaving Alias. That is just too crushing), and I will get lots of emails slamming me for talking about whatever the heck I want on my own blog.

So let’s get to the good stuff.

Real Girl has a confession to make. This may shock you. It shocks me if I think about it. Here goes. Gathering up my strength. Don’t judge! Don’t judge! Don’t…

Real Girl uses hairspray. And not just a little. Huge, swirling spritzes of the spray of the hair. Do you have the same mental picture I do? Because mine’s of that girl in eighth grade who had to duck when walking through doors lest her Enormously High Hair scrape the paint off the doorframe.

But do you really think Real Girl would allow herself to have Jersey Hair? No no no no no. Lordy, no! Because I use the BEST HAIRSPRAY EVAH. The same one I’ve been using for so long, I’ve passed through at least four repackagings. If they ever discontinue this product, people? My grief will be so powerful, you’ll hear my mourning wails no matter where the heck you are. Y’all shaking your heads in Australia? Believe me. Ohhh, believe me. Because without L’Oreal Studioline Fast Forward Strong Hold, I am nothing. I am just a head with a limp, flyaway, sagging mess of unspiraling curls. But with this awe-inspiring product? I’ve got body, hold, and power. WITHOUT that crispy firmness that scrapes the paint off doorframes. That’s right. This hairspray holds without being too crispy. It’s my secret weapon.

Have I tried pricier hairsprays? Hell, yeah! Do I love them? No!! Crispiness! Crazy strong smells! Jersey Hair!!! But not with my L’Oreal Studioline aerosol beauty. Do I flip my hair over and spray the heck out of it, waiting for it to dry so when I flip it back over, it’s all movie star full? Yes!! Does it then sag back to normal proportions throughout the day? Yes!! But have I also sprayed the top layers so they don’t sag too, too badly? Yes!! Have I held the can far enough away so the spray diffuses all over and isn’t too concentrated? Yes!! Does that mean my hair looks totally fabu and yours can too? Well, hell. What do you think???

But I’ve talked my ass off by now. So, darlings, let’s hear all your secrets!! Hairspray? Celebrity sighting? Secret husband? It's alllll up for grabs.

With love from your,
Real Girl