The Mascara Chronicles: Part IV

Hey girls!! And nongirls!! I’ve misssssed you.

Exactly one week ago, I reached a milestone. But we will get to that later. Oh, we’ll get there. Because first? Business people. We’ve got La Business to attend to. It is called: Mascara. Or, as I like to say when I’m home by myself vamping in front of the mirror: Mascahhhra. Experience tells me that y’all love to dish the dirt on the lovely lash luxurizer as well.

Ready for a trip down memory lane? Take a peek at my own Lord of the Rings-like trilogy. Let us call it Lady of the Lashes. As in, the Mascara Chronicles I, II, and III. Caught up now? Mmmmkay, good.

Because memory lane ain’t over yet! See, Real Girl owes much of this post to some of her gorgeous Real Girlettes, Jules from Oz (aka otterkat), Lori, and Magpie, and to their comments back yonder. These gals alerted me to a must-have I was as yet unaware of. That’s right: it’s drugstore mascara time. And more specifically, we start with Maybelline Full ‘N Soft.

Can I just say? LOVE! Now, many of you have emailed me or commented on your love of Benefit’s BADgal, and I totally get it! In many ways, I absolutely concur! I used to love me some BADgal, most of all because of the stunning brush. What a great, great mascara wand. Separates! Elongates! Love! EXCEPT for the running. BADgal just didn’t make it through the night for my runny, teary, moist little eyes. So if you’re scared of raccoon eyes? Maybe not your #1 best option. But the Maybelline Full ‘N Soft has the 2nd best wand I’ve ever seen. It’s like a smaller version of the BADgal wand, a full brush that coats evenly and makes the lashes pop. My only slight complaint with the Full ‘N Soft is that it isn’t as absolutely dramatic as my old YSL favorite (see Chronicles II). The length falls just short of the YSL, as does the thickness. It’s a case of close—very close!—but not quite the cigar.

However! I found a way to bring the “close” even closer. We go now to another Maybelline product—one beloved by magazines all over the world and also by Real Girl commenter, Paige. My curiosity has long been piqued by Maybelline Lash Discovery. The result for Real Girl, though? Hmmm, not quite right for me. The wand is good for separating—most appropriate for the ladies with thick lashes who need length over volume. However, if you curl your lashes? I’d stay away from Lash Discovery. I have long, but very straight, eyelashes. They need curling or they just hang down droopily, and that? Ain’t the look I’m going for. So one of my main criteria for mascara is that it isn’t so heavy that it uncurls the lash. But alas, the Lash Discovery made my lashes droop all sad-like. Still...looking at that sleek silvery tube, how could I just let her go, unloved, into the Makeup Drawer of Forgetland?

You know what I found out? These two Maybelline mascaras become AMAZING when combined together. Like, almost as damn fine as my beloved (yet short-lasting) YSL. First, I apply my Full ‘N Soft. But then? I take the separating wand of the Lash Discovery and sweep it through my thickened lashes. I then hold my lashes up with the wand, trying to give them a moment to dry all curled and lengthened. IT TOTALLY WORKS. Up and hold at the tips. Up and hold at the tips. Am I describing this well enough? Yell at me if I’m not. (You know, gently.)

Ready for the segue? I wore this divine mascara combination for my big birthday party, which was this past Friday night at a small but swank bar on the Lower East Side. And by the way? It SO ROCKED! Real Boy bumped up the DJ booth to the delight of the revelers and so many people showed up that we overshot the fire code! Yay to all the superb people who helped Real Girl rein in another year.

And by the way? It’s a BIG YEAR. So, to end, we’ll take a final trip down memory lane, back to when Real Girl was 1 and a half years old:



This picture from my birthday party? Is 28 and a half years later. I’ll let you do the math, my sweets. (The beauty with me is my best friend—since we were 12!—Madgirl.)

UPDATE: So...Madgirl doesn't think she looks good in the photo I posted--which is, appropriately, MADNESS! But in deference to her wishes, I've posted a slightly different version of the photo. This one with my "man on the side," Wentworth Miller. We're very close in Photoshopland. Enjoy.




Thanks for all your lovely birthday wishes! And let’s dish the dirt on mascara!!

I remain your,
Not quite nursing home ready,
Real Girl
xx